Fear our Own Thoughts

I called my mind a ‘mindfield’ while suffering from
depression, since so many unwanted, appalling thoughts
would pop without warning into my mind and ‘BOOM’ -
the thought, its implications, and my ensuing reaction
would tear me apart, just as if I had stepped upon a
landmine. These appalling thoughts, which often triggered
panic attacks, came to terrorise me to the extent that I tried
to ‘tip-toe’ around in my mind, sometimes scared to think
anything at all.

Here is an example of an alarming/appalling thought, also
known as an obsessive fearful thought.
A strong Christian told me recently that a thought
popped into her mind while she was praying, saying, “Satan
is lord.” Her response was to freak out. Where did the
thought come from? Did it come from her? If it did come
from her, did that mean she really believed it? And if that
was the case, there must be something seriously wrong with
her!
Although such a thought could pop into anyone’s
mind, a person with a healthy mind would dismiss the
thought as utter nonsense, and pay it no heed. However, for
someone with a sensitive mind or a mind that is over
sensitized or exhausted by depression, such a thought can
cause a shock the first time it occurs.
When similar alarming/appalling thoughts began
to afflict me in my early twenties, (I had already suffered
one mild depressive episode,) I reacted in the same way. I
was greatly alarmed to find such thoughts flying through
my mind and feared some part of me actually believed
them. On each occasion I began a fearful, introspective
examination of my heart and mind, digging deeper and
deeper. “But what if I do believe this thought, what does it
mean about me?” The more I examined the thought, the
more I feared that I actually believed it or was guilty of
what it was accusing. After these frantic sessions of fearful
soul searching came repentance as I desperately asked God
to forgive me for having the thought or attitude in the first
place.
Not only did I fear these alarming/appalling
thoughts; I lived in fear that more might come. And of
course, more did come. Fearing them made me more
sensitive to them, which of course made them occur more
frequently. Panic attacks became more and more
commonplace as well.
Now let us pop back to the discussion I had with
the young woman who encountered one of these thoughts
during her prayer time. Understandably, she was
bewildered, afraid, feared where the thought came from,
and scared that perhaps she did believe part of it.
I said to her, “All sorts of thoughts fly through our
minds every day - some of these are whispered into our
mind by Satan, while others are simply things we are afraid
of. It does not matter where these fearful thoughts come
from. All we need to know is that they are not from us and
they are not what we believe - they are simply something
we are afraid of. Now, answer me this, what do you believe
about Satan?”
She answered that she believed he was a fallen
angel, the devil, and that Jesus had defeated him through
His work on the cross.
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I said, “Now compare what you have just told me,
which is not only what you believe, but what you know you
believe, with the first fearful thought that popped into your
mind.”
Her face lit up with comprehension and relief.
The result was black and white. The first thought,
“Satan is lord,” was suddenly shown up for what it was - a
lie, a deception. It was not something this young woman
believed, it was only something she feared she might
believe.
Suddenly, the fearful thought had no power as the
truth of God’s word revealed it to be a lie. I encouraged her
not to fear such thoughts, and if they happened again, to do
as below: